


Don't Lie

by androgynousclintbarton



Category: Naruto
Genre: Kakashi is not cooping, Let the poor man have a break, M/M, One swear word at the end, Swearing, he deserves it, please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynousclintbarton/pseuds/androgynousclintbarton
Summary: Gai and Tenzo go to check in on Kakashi after finding out that Naruto has decided to leave the village to train under Jiraiya.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy/Yamato | Tenzou
Kudos: 15





	Don't Lie

There’s footsteps just outside his door followed by hushed voices. He can’t hear what’s being said, but that’s ok. He doesn’t need to hear them to know who’s outside.

They don’t bother to knock. It’s a pointless formality that has long been forgotten between the three of them. They’re always welcome in his apartment and they know that, even on days like today.

When the world is crumbling around him and he wants nothing more than to just crawl under his blankets and fall asleep. Never to wake up again.

What’s the point if existing when all that’s waiting for him when he opens his eyes is more pain. Always pain. Never ending, soul crushing pain.

“Kakashi?” Gai’s voice is soft, his words dripping with worry. 

Kakashi doesn’t answer. He just curls up into himself more and buries his face into his knees.

He doesn’t want to be seen. He doesn’t want to exist.

What right does he even have to exist when he can’t do the simplest of things right?

“Tsunade-sama informed us that Naruto has chosen to train under Jiraiya-sama,” Straight to the point. That’s what he loved about Tenzo, he never beat around the bush. Although, today might be one of those times where he appreciated a bit more care in the words his boyfriend chose. “We came to check up on you.”

“You shouldn’t have,” he doesn’t move at all from his spot, even as the footsteps get closer and the bed dips to his right. “I don’t deserve company.”

Silence envelops the room. He can almost imagine the way the two of them must be looking at each other, trying to decide what to do next without actually saying anything out loud for him to shoot down.

For once, he’s the one to break the silence.

“You two should go do something better,” he whispered against his knee. “I’m fine, I just-”

A hand came down on his shoulder.

“Don’t lie to us, Kakashi,” Gai’s voice is soft. “You’re allowed to be upset. In fact, I would be worried if you weren’t.”

Easy for him to say. He wasn’t Konoha’s worst Sensei.

“We should go out,” Tenzo offers, smiling when Kakashi lifts his head just enough to glare at him. “Come on. A quick shower and you’ll be good to go, Senpai.”

“I don’t want to go out,” He insisted, fingers twisting into the fabric of his uniform pants. “I don’t want to be seen by people. By now everyone in the village knows every single one of my students has gone off and found themselves better Sensei’s. They’re going to see me and…”

There’s a momentary flashback to when he was young. The way the villagers had whispered amongst each other whenever they saw him passing by. Telling each other stories of his mistakes.

Coming up with nicknames that stuck with him for years, like ‘cold blooded Kakashi’ or ‘friend-killer Kakashi’. What would they come up with this time? What name would be whispered amongst each other whenever they saw Kakashi passing by?

“Stop it,” A soft warning from Gai, followed by a finger poking him in the nose pulled him out of his thoughts. “We’re not thinking bad things. Tenzo and I came here to cheer you up.”

Rolling his eyes, Kakashi turned his head to face Gai. “Why do you need to cheer me up?” He asked. “Can’t you tell i’m doing just great. Everything is perfect and wonderful and…”

“There you go again, Senpai,” Tenzo crossed his arms over his chest and frowned .”Lying to us. Why do you always think you have to act like the big tough man?”

“A good Shinobi doesn’t cry,” He whispered, diverting his eyes away from both men. “A good Shinobi is strong, controlled and calculated. They don’t let their emotions get to them.”

Part way through his last sentence he can feel the tears starting to run down his face. The emotions were finally becoming too much for him to handle and he hated it.

Hated showing his weakness.

Hated these moments where he wasn’t perfectly in control of himself. The control he had worked so hard to achieve, and always fell back on even when things reached their worst for him. 

“Come here,” Gai’s arm came down around his shoulder and pulled him into a tight hug while Tenzo knelt down in front of him. “It’s ok to be upset.”

“One time,” Bringing a hand up to his face, he tried desperately to wipe away the tears only to have Tenzo grab hold of his hand and pull it back. “One time I actually think things are going to go right. That even i can’t possibly fuck this up…”

There’s bitterness in his words, and they’re directed at himself.

It was his job to help Sasuke. To keep him from going down a darker path, and he had failed him.

It was his job to train Naruto and Sakura and help them become successful, powerful shinobi, and he had failed.

“I’m a shit sensei,” he whispered under his breath. “Why did anyone think I’d be any good at this stupid job?”

Neither of them give him an answer. Either because they don’t have one, or because they’re not sure what to say that will actually help calm him down.

It doesn’t matter either way.

Nothing he could say would bring Sasuke back to the village, or convince Naruto and Sakura that he can actually train them in a way they deserve to be trained.

Lord Third really had fucked up making him a Sensei.


End file.
